I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
