Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
