The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
