grandma shit on top of the toilet
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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