So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
