The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
