He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
