I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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