im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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