ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
