Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
it was like eating out sand paper
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
