mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
