Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
