He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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