Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
