You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
