he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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