a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
