I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
