ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
