he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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