There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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