I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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