Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
