Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
