Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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