Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
there's paper in my vomit.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
