I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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