you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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