I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
