i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
