Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
