oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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