NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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