Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
