chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
