I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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