you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
