Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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