I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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