PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
