weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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