We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
