We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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