do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
