I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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