I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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