This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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