I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sorry my hands just texted you
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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