she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
