just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
