Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
