Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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