when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
COCAINE IS GR8
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
