the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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